Death Stories Inspire

So, this morning I woke up to find my post about saying goodbye to someone you love when they die on the Huffington Post. I wrote it about parents, mostly, although the advice could work in many situations. I’ve heard from a great many people today and even did a radio interview on the topic. Suffice it to say, we all have a lot to say about death.

One man left a comment that touched me deeply. He shared the story about his estrangement from his mother. He said it had lasted many years until he heard she was dying. His plan was to go to the funeral to pay his respects. But, he discussed it with a mentor who suggested he not wait, but instead to go to see her before she died. Wisely, he heeded that good advice. He went and they were able to reach a form of peace before it was too late.

Before it is too late. That’s going to be the title of my next book, devoted to this topic. I can’t stress strongly enough the pain of family dysfunction and estrangement. So much of it can be avoided by artful, loving and honest communication before someone dies. That can be easy to do with someone you are close to. It’s anything but easy to do when you have challenges in the family. Family is what I write about here on this blog. If you’d like to read more about this compelling topic, please subscribe on the right sidebar. We have much to discuss and try to do so with humor and insight.

But, you don’t have to wait until you learn more to open this topic with your family. I implore you to talk about death, to talk about family issues and to find a way to peace, just as this man did. I’m sure it wasn’t easy for him to put aside his hurt feelings, his anger, his resentments and, yes, maybe even his pride.

I just believe you won’t be sorry if you do. However, you may be sorry if you don’t.

Before it’s too late.

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2 Responses to “Death Stories Inspire

  • What a great topic Deb; something many of us encounter in life and are faced with the dilemma of whether or not to ‘go back’. As you know, I lived a lifetime of that with my own mother. The last few months of her life were tormenting me with ‘should I go back again’. I fought it everyday with insurmountable guilt.
    My decision not to go back was formed by the numerous other times she thought she was dying and my coming back only sucked me back into her lonely, venomous world.
    I’m still dealing with it now, over a year since she passed. And I am currently writing the sequel to my first book Conflicted Hearts to solidfy my findings and resolutions, and to hopefully find a way to make peace with her end. )

    • That’s the thing, while we may aim to make peace before the end, sometimes that is simply not possible. So, what to do? I think what you’re doing is the only way. Mull it over, consider why you did what you did and accept that you did what was best for you, for your mental health and for your life at the time. Your goal was peace then and maybe you had to find it solo, but you did find it. We are challenged sometimes with making peace with those for whom peace was never their choice. It makes it hard on us but it’s not impossible for us to get what we need on our own. (As you so often had to do.) I look forward to your sequel and to learning that you have gotten to the point you deserve to reach.

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