Yesterday I read a blog post on the very popular Scary Mommy blog. It was a “letter” from a mom to the grandparents with a list of 10 things not to do while babysitting the grandkids. I say “letter” because it was clearly a humor column. There was snark, there was sarcasm, there were expletives. The whole thing cracked me up. Then I read the comments. Oh My! People were incensed. “How dare you?” “This is a sick and ungrateful person.” “I’m glad you’re not my daughter.” “Perhaps you should be grateful you still have parents.” And my favorite, “How could a human being write something like this?” They say comedy isn’t pretty but I had no idea how many people can be offended by something they read which is clearly meant to be funny!
Here’s what I left in the comments. I hope I offend no one with my tongue in cheek response.
I have serious issues with the commenters here who have serious issues with this hilarious post. And, yes I am one of the Geezer generation guilty of too many of these things. So, here’s my answer:
10 Things Not To Do When Leaving Your Cherubs With The Grands
1. Don’t forget to pack enough diapers and wipes. We are spending a fortune on showering these kids with fun crap. We don’t have enough disposable income for the disposables.
2. Please do not raise kids who think dinner is always served restaurant style. That is to say they cannot order whatever they wish. We’re cooking a meal and we’re serving it. Prince and Princess will not be placing an order. They can have cereal if they don’t like the entree.
3. Please don’t leave books for bedtime that have more than 100 words. We’re tired. We love reading to your kid but there’s a limit to how long we can stay awake at story time.
4. Don’t disrespect my ability to keep your child safe. No my whole house isn’t baby proofed but most of the time your kid isn’t here and I will keep my eye on them while they are. Plus I can’t open the damn cabinets at your house and I refuse to live that way.
5. If I let your kid play next door, it’s because I know the neighbor well enough to trust. You don’t have to. If you want to oversee every moment of the week you should have stayed home.
6. Bedtime is a moveable event. You’re not here, you’ll never know. Don’t sweat it. Plus, I’m probably more eager to get them to bed than you are so it’s likely to be earlier, not later than usual.
7. Your kid can miss a day of school. I will be dead some day and you’ll wish they had spent one more day with me. But, OTOH, see #6. I probably will take them to school on Saturday too.
8. You’re a parent so buck up if I give your kid markers to take home. You think I want that shit in my house? I had enough when you were a kid.
9. Understand that I understand the word emergency. We’re going to an ER, I’m not phoning your doctor.
10. I won’t call you or Skype you if you promise to reciprocate. They’re fine. We’ll call if we need you… or if anyone’s bleeding.
Have a fun day, people. Remember to laugh just a bit.. or even better, laugh a whole lot!